First of all I realise my blog lately has basically become about me coping with life at the moment... It won't stay like this. But then I guess that's what I'm about. I write as a release and then I share it on here in the chance that something I say relates to other people and helps them in some way.
As this is a recovery blog about every up and down it would be wrong of me to lie to you about where I am right now. If I did, I would be accepting that I'm ashamed and none of us should feel ashamed of being in recovery!
The last couple of days have been difficult for me. They could've been worse I guess but that fear of eating has just jumped out of nowhere. I went to get lunch during work yesterday, paced up and down over and over in front of the food and I ended up leaving with a diet coke. Something in me just wouldn't let me buy food even though I was hungry and I wanted it. I was scared of the feelings I'd experience after even though I haven't felt those guilty, punishing feelings in over a year!
Despite this I believe it is just a small trip up along my path. I won't relapse... I've come too far and won't let myself now. I have faith in myself and my strength to stay healthy. So what am I going to do?
I finally spoke to Matt the other day. He said he's not been thinking too much and has been staying in the moment, focusing on the present. That is something I've never been good at! But I think it's a skill I should work on. If I can stay in the present, a lot of those uncomfortable feelings that I want to deal with through food won't be there and I won't be worrying so much about how I'm going to feel. I need to remember to take it day at a time.
Before Matt came along I had spent a lot of that year focusing on myself and growing into a happier person. I was constantly reading books/using affirmations etc to change how I felt about the world and myself. When Matt entered my life I guess I stopped a bit because I was so happy I didn't feel the need to change anything I felt. The problem is, developing your happiness through affirmations, positive thinking, gratitude etc is a way of life, not a crash course. After basically a year away from that way of behaving I have now realised it is something I need to continue in order to feel good about myself. I'm going to go back to focusing on loving myself and believing that everything happens for a reason and will be ok.
I'll use affirmations, read books, be nicer to myself, be more grateful, see the positives and act as if life couldn't be better. Doing that before gave me a life that actually couldn't be better as I was so happy. If I want that again then all I have to do is return to focusing on these things and making my mind a much happier place to live.
Love Jasmin
Showing posts with label restricting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label restricting. Show all posts
Monday, 19 March 2012
Saturday, 22 October 2011
I've binged....now what?!
Someone recently explained to me that she had been through a few days of eating a lot and didn't know what to do next. Of course she wanted to restrict to make up for it but she also wants to recover.
This is a situation I faced many, many times. When you're trying to learn how to eat more again it is very easy to feel unbalanced at first or doubt yourself. Sometime you may not even be overeating but you feel like you are. On the other hand it is very easy to overeat. The binge part of your brain might be tempted to give in or you might find yourself experiencing days where your calorie intake is a lot higher than you would like which can be overwhelming.
I'll admit to begin with all I wanted to do was to restrict to make up for it. It avoided me purging but allowed me still to have some control so it seemed like a great idea but it isn't....at all! By doing that you're just asking for your eating disorder to continue!!
Here's why it's a bad idea:
- When you restrict your body goes into starvation mode and slows the metabolism down....this makes your body a lot more likely to store what you've eaten over the past few days.
- When you restrict your body tries to protect you. It thinks you are starving so it causes the urge to binge. So you will be more likely to binge again and once again you will want to restrict, then binge, then restrict, then binge, you get the idea.
- You will feel depressed, energy less and miserable.
- You are preventing yourself from getting better.
The best thing to do would be to continue as if it hadn't happened. WHAT?! I hear you say...that's impossible? That's what I thought and you have to take lots of small steps to get to that point but you can get there. If you go back to eating a regular amount of calories your body will use what you have eaten over the past few days as it doesn't need it all and fairly fast as your metabolism will have been given a boost from eating more.
At first you may want to just try to eat regularly even if its just small amounts. Then next time you can see if you can try to eat a bit more following a binge. If I have a weekend that involves quite a bit of eating now I usually continue to eat as often as I usually would but for a few days after I'll go for slightly healthier options. I think that's a healthy way of dealing with it. I don't restrict and I don't obsess over it. I can also safely say that since using that technique my weight has stayed a lot more stable compared to when I binged...restricted...binged...restricted which often caused my weight to go up.
Hope that's helpful.
Love Jasmin
This is a situation I faced many, many times. When you're trying to learn how to eat more again it is very easy to feel unbalanced at first or doubt yourself. Sometime you may not even be overeating but you feel like you are. On the other hand it is very easy to overeat. The binge part of your brain might be tempted to give in or you might find yourself experiencing days where your calorie intake is a lot higher than you would like which can be overwhelming.
I'll admit to begin with all I wanted to do was to restrict to make up for it. It avoided me purging but allowed me still to have some control so it seemed like a great idea but it isn't....at all! By doing that you're just asking for your eating disorder to continue!!
Here's why it's a bad idea:
- When you restrict your body goes into starvation mode and slows the metabolism down....this makes your body a lot more likely to store what you've eaten over the past few days.
- When you restrict your body tries to protect you. It thinks you are starving so it causes the urge to binge. So you will be more likely to binge again and once again you will want to restrict, then binge, then restrict, then binge, you get the idea.
- You will feel depressed, energy less and miserable.
- You are preventing yourself from getting better.
The best thing to do would be to continue as if it hadn't happened. WHAT?! I hear you say...that's impossible? That's what I thought and you have to take lots of small steps to get to that point but you can get there. If you go back to eating a regular amount of calories your body will use what you have eaten over the past few days as it doesn't need it all and fairly fast as your metabolism will have been given a boost from eating more.
At first you may want to just try to eat regularly even if its just small amounts. Then next time you can see if you can try to eat a bit more following a binge. If I have a weekend that involves quite a bit of eating now I usually continue to eat as often as I usually would but for a few days after I'll go for slightly healthier options. I think that's a healthy way of dealing with it. I don't restrict and I don't obsess over it. I can also safely say that since using that technique my weight has stayed a lot more stable compared to when I binged...restricted...binged...restricted which often caused my weight to go up.
Hope that's helpful.
Love Jasmin
Monday, 9 August 2010
Anti Ana Action Plan!
Ok...on a more positive note...the past few days have gone a lot better. I came up with a new plan of action in an attempt to put an end to those restrictive obsessive thoughts trying to make their way in again and it seems to be working!
When I saw my dietician I had to write down everything I ate in a booklet each week which I then gave to him to keep. However, I have 3 of them which he let me keep. During those 3 weeks I was still following the diet plan he had given me so I know that most of the meals on it fit in with it. I also remember losing a few pounds during those 3 weeks but slowly so I know it was lost healthily. So I have decided to try to follow those food diaries for the next 3 weeks. That way I should lose a few of the extra pounds I've put on and I'm not so scared about what I'm eating. Knowing there's no reason for me to put on more weight as long as I follow it has stopped a lot of the restrictive thoughts. And I'm not worrying so much about relapsing because I know it's not too restrictive. I'll admit there are a few meals on it that are less than what I should have but I'll try to make sure I add things to those meals.
I've also stopped to look at the positives of the last few weeks and realised that despite the struggle I have made progress. This is the longest I've spent at home without a relapse. It's also the longest I've spent at home without starting to over exercise. I've started adding milk to things such as coffee which I've not done in years and I've even made my porridge with milk instead of water for the first time ever yesterday. It was actually so much better so I did it again today. I also thought about how even though those restrictive thoughts started, not only did I not want to give in but I also felt like I couldn't, I wanted to eat. This time last year if I wanted to restrict I couldn't even force myself to eat let alone want to eat so thats made me realise how far I've come.
Sometimes we are faced with difficulties to allow us to prove our strength. Without this struggle I'd never know if I was strong enough and recovered enough to cope with it.
When I saw my dietician I had to write down everything I ate in a booklet each week which I then gave to him to keep. However, I have 3 of them which he let me keep. During those 3 weeks I was still following the diet plan he had given me so I know that most of the meals on it fit in with it. I also remember losing a few pounds during those 3 weeks but slowly so I know it was lost healthily. So I have decided to try to follow those food diaries for the next 3 weeks. That way I should lose a few of the extra pounds I've put on and I'm not so scared about what I'm eating. Knowing there's no reason for me to put on more weight as long as I follow it has stopped a lot of the restrictive thoughts. And I'm not worrying so much about relapsing because I know it's not too restrictive. I'll admit there are a few meals on it that are less than what I should have but I'll try to make sure I add things to those meals.
I've also stopped to look at the positives of the last few weeks and realised that despite the struggle I have made progress. This is the longest I've spent at home without a relapse. It's also the longest I've spent at home without starting to over exercise. I've started adding milk to things such as coffee which I've not done in years and I've even made my porridge with milk instead of water for the first time ever yesterday. It was actually so much better so I did it again today. I also thought about how even though those restrictive thoughts started, not only did I not want to give in but I also felt like I couldn't, I wanted to eat. This time last year if I wanted to restrict I couldn't even force myself to eat let alone want to eat so thats made me realise how far I've come.
Sometimes we are faced with difficulties to allow us to prove our strength. Without this struggle I'd never know if I was strong enough and recovered enough to cope with it.
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