How to stop a lapse becoming a relapse...

First of all I'd just like to share with you that on Saturday I have my beat ambassador training day so as of then I shall be a beat ambassador :D

So, for me I have always felt prepared to prevent lapses and relapses from happening. I know my triggers and so when I am faced with them I know that I am vulnerable to my eating disorder at those times and can fight to prevent a lapse starting. I hope it is similar for you and that you are able to identify your triggers because it's so important in being able to fight your ed. But what if you do relapse? What if you can't prevent it? What do you do then?

Lapses are a normal part of the recovery process. Sometimes we can fight with every bit of energy we have but they can come from nowhere. That was the case with my lapse. I was the happiest I've ever been and it happened so suddenly I had no idea what caused it. I was prepared to prevent one but when it happened I had no idea what to do next. A lapse can be stopped and it doesn't need to become a relapse. But to do that it is a good idea to have a plan incase you are struggling to regain control. Here is some idea's that I learnt from my experience but there are lots of other things that you may find help you.

- First try to identify the cause. If it isn't obvious then perhaps try to write a list of all the possible causes. Then challenge them. By this I mean, what would be the best way to deal with that problem instead of using the eating disorder.
- Make sure you have support, talk to your friends and family.
- Talk to someone other than friends and family. Perhaps a teacher or your therapist if you have one. As great as my friends and family are I often feel guilty for letting everything out to them and I dont want to worry them. But by talking to someone with less emotional connections I feel I can talk more openly without the guilt and it gives me a greater sense of relief.
- At a moment when you are thinking more rationally try to write a food plan that you could try to stick to.
- Gain support from help lines or recovery forums such as the beat messageboards.
- Use distractions
- Surround yourself with people that make you happy.
- Make sure there's food in the house you feel comfortable around but also enjoy - foods that you will be tempted to eat but hopefully won't trigger a binge or make you too guilty.
- Be gentle with yourself. Lapses are normal so don't beat yourself up as it may only make things worse.
- Take precautions - go to the doctor, warn friends and family.
- Remind yourself of reasons to be recovered.
- Spring clean your life - Do you need to catch up on sleep, have some leisure time, catch up on work, de-stress?
- Take each day at a time.
- Do recovery activities.
- Put yourself back in 'recovery' mode as much as possible.
- Go back to your therapist if you still have one.
- Use positive affirmations.
- Take a break and make your health your number one priority.

I hope that helps.
Jasmin x

Pot of Gold...

Here's a poem I'd like to share with you of mine...It's still a bit of a work in progress in a few places but its what came to mind.

I sigh in relief as each moon arrives
I got through the day, I fought and survived.
Counting each day that God's by my side
I did it again, her rules I defied.
The whispers are there, they persist I obey
But courage defends me and shows me the way.
Fear becomes present as I wake to each day
My strength grows inside me as her essence decays.
At times I may worry that one day she'll win
But the power is mine to not let her in.
I was taught as a child that good destroys sin
All I need is the hope that tomorrow will bring.
It may possess sadness, panic or stress
But I've got the tools to sort any mess.
Freedom, happiness, joy and success
They're all within reach if her voice will shout less.
My faith is on going in the power I hold
I accept myself wholly, I will not fit her mould.
Life feels too good when I'm free from her hold
I've fought for this rainbow and I'm keeping my gold.

Love Jasmin xxx

6 ways to keep smiling...

I just came across a card from my teacher that she gave me years ago with the following message...

6 ways to keep smiling:
Hold on to your dreams and never let them go.
Show the world how wonderful you are.
Look on the bright side and don't let adversity keep you from winning.
Be yourself because you are filled with many special qualities.
Keep your spirits up.
Make your heart happy, and let it reflect on everything you do.

Love Jasmin

6 months!

Hi, this is just a quick one as it's late and I need to sleeeeep!

I just wanted to share with you all that today, well yesterday I guess as it's now 12.30, made it 6 months since I was officially discharged. And Tuesday was 6 months since I last purged or have had any problems. I had hoped to achieve 3 at least after I was discharged so I am very happy to have got to 6 rather smoothly I'd like to think. Of course there have been ups and downs but it has all been manageable and I have not let myself lapse.

I wanted to make this post a more important one but I've been too busy so I'll try to do one at the weekend.

I hope this proves to you that recovery is possible and fills you with hope.
Stay strong.

Love Jasmin xxxx

Let's build a current...

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centres of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance." (Robert Kennedy - 1966)

Together we can not only beat eating disorders but the stigma attached to them by the media. We can change the world's view on them and those suffering will no longer need to feel alienated and scared because the world will be on our side and the battle can be approached not with uncertainty and reservation but with the pride and strength needed to win against this disease.

Keep fighting xxxx

Make your life what you want it to be

I have just been watching a video on a recovery blog and I really liked something she said...

"Recovered to me means that you are living the way you want to live and it doesn’t take an extreme amount of effort to do so."

Right now I feel like my life has got to a point where at this moment in time I am living the way I want to live. I love my uni, my job, my friends, I have become a lot more independent, now I have a job I have a bit more money to be able to spend some on myself, I have just moved into a great new flat in an area I love, family life isn't too bad, I'm not depressed anymore, eating is going well, and as much as my body isn't exactly how I want it, I can live with it without hating myself.

If your life isn't how you want it, ask yourself how you want it to be? What do you need in your life right now and what would make you happy. Of course we'd all like to be millionaires or be famous but think realistically about how your life could be if you took the right steps forward.
After answering this think about how you could achieve some of those things. If you would like a job, start looking. If you would like new friends go out and meet people. If you would like to do something new but don't have the qualifications do a course in whatever it is you think will make you happier.
I believe that if you start to focus on improving other areas of your life and make it the way you want it then recovery will become easier. You will be happier which will cause you to depend less on your eating disorder to give you control. Start to take control of your life in other ways.

You might be thinking that this is easier said than done and how can you make your life the way you want it to be? Start thinking positively. A few months ago my life was no where near where I wanted it to be. But I decided to change how I thought. I started to do different exercises and read books to improve positive thinking. Since then my life has somehow, miraculously improved in so many areas. I will do a post soon on positive thinking to help you with this.

Don't wait for further recovery to start making your life the way you want it. Start doing it now and recovery will follow.

Hope everyone is well, stay strong.
Love Jasmin xxx

The Serenity Prayer

Just because I like it...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next."

Love Jasmin xxxx