Hello hello hello wonderful people,
I realise in the past year I have been extremely bad at writing on here! So I apologise for that. It's been a busy year but I promise to do better from now on!
This post is about perfectionism and failure. I have to admit I am a perfectionist myself and always thought that had a lot to do with my eating disorder. I still think it does but then recently I became aware of another role my eating disorder had... it allowed me to fail. Let me explain...
Being a perfectionist is tiring! You constantly feel the need to be perfect, and seeing as perfect doesn't exist, you are continuously working towards an impossible goal. Your eating disorder fits in with this need to be perfect. But it also has the ability to destroy everything else in your life, making it harder to reach your goal of perfection.
I realised that when I felt I was failing in an area of my life I would struggle with my eating disorder more. First of all it allowed me to feel like at least I was achieving something... but it also gave me an excuse for why I was failing at other things. Being a perfectionist I was ashamed of feeling like a failure, whether it was at school, in my dance classes, in my friendships. But my eating disorder took away the bad feelings because I was able to blame it when I didn't meet my expectations. If I got a bad grade then it was my eating disorder's fault not mine. If I fell out with friends it was because my eating disorder was making me a bad person, not because I, myself was a bad person.
I was tired of trying to be perfect in every area of my life. It wasn't possible. But I couldn't admit to that so instead I found a reason to fail. I was so obsessed with my eating disorder I stopped caring about other areas from my life... it gave me a break.
I haven't realised this until recently. But if I had realised it sooner I would beg myself to see the irrationality in this thinking!
Yes the eating disorder does all of that but there are easier options!
Aim to accept life as it is. Life is not perfect and never will be. We cannot succeed all of the time at everything we do and that's ok. Instead of making excuses, embrace your imperfections, they make you individual, they make you human. Learn to break away from your perfectionism, set yourself goals to help you do this. For example, when I wrote notes in class they would always be pretty messy because I was writing quickly. I couldn't stand to see messy notes so I would then waste time re-writing them all so that they were neat. It was something I didn't need to do. So I set myself the goal of not doing that anymore. It was just a small thing but things like that reinforce to your brain that we don't have to be perfect!
The more you can accept yourself, imperfections and all, the less need you will have to find excuses to fail. You will have less need for your eating disorder.
Love you all.... happy EDAW!
Jasmin xxxx
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Hey Everyone!
Sorry it's been so long since I've been on here. Just to remind everyone... Eating Disorder Awareness Week starts tomorrow!
Love Jasmin
Saturday, 22 October 2011
I've binged....now what?!
Someone recently explained to me that she had been through a few days of eating a lot and didn't know what to do next. Of course she wanted to restrict to make up for it but she also wants to recover.
This is a situation I faced many, many times. When you're trying to learn how to eat more again it is very easy to feel unbalanced at first or doubt yourself. Sometime you may not even be overeating but you feel like you are. On the other hand it is very easy to overeat. The binge part of your brain might be tempted to give in or you might find yourself experiencing days where your calorie intake is a lot higher than you would like which can be overwhelming.
I'll admit to begin with all I wanted to do was to restrict to make up for it. It avoided me purging but allowed me still to have some control so it seemed like a great idea but it isn't....at all! By doing that you're just asking for your eating disorder to continue!!
Here's why it's a bad idea:
- When you restrict your body goes into starvation mode and slows the metabolism down....this makes your body a lot more likely to store what you've eaten over the past few days.
- When you restrict your body tries to protect you. It thinks you are starving so it causes the urge to binge. So you will be more likely to binge again and once again you will want to restrict, then binge, then restrict, then binge, you get the idea.
- You will feel depressed, energy less and miserable.
- You are preventing yourself from getting better.
The best thing to do would be to continue as if it hadn't happened. WHAT?! I hear you say...that's impossible? That's what I thought and you have to take lots of small steps to get to that point but you can get there. If you go back to eating a regular amount of calories your body will use what you have eaten over the past few days as it doesn't need it all and fairly fast as your metabolism will have been given a boost from eating more.
At first you may want to just try to eat regularly even if its just small amounts. Then next time you can see if you can try to eat a bit more following a binge. If I have a weekend that involves quite a bit of eating now I usually continue to eat as often as I usually would but for a few days after I'll go for slightly healthier options. I think that's a healthy way of dealing with it. I don't restrict and I don't obsess over it. I can also safely say that since using that technique my weight has stayed a lot more stable compared to when I binged...restricted...binged...restricted which often caused my weight to go up.
Hope that's helpful.
Love Jasmin
This is a situation I faced many, many times. When you're trying to learn how to eat more again it is very easy to feel unbalanced at first or doubt yourself. Sometime you may not even be overeating but you feel like you are. On the other hand it is very easy to overeat. The binge part of your brain might be tempted to give in or you might find yourself experiencing days where your calorie intake is a lot higher than you would like which can be overwhelming.
I'll admit to begin with all I wanted to do was to restrict to make up for it. It avoided me purging but allowed me still to have some control so it seemed like a great idea but it isn't....at all! By doing that you're just asking for your eating disorder to continue!!
Here's why it's a bad idea:
- When you restrict your body goes into starvation mode and slows the metabolism down....this makes your body a lot more likely to store what you've eaten over the past few days.
- When you restrict your body tries to protect you. It thinks you are starving so it causes the urge to binge. So you will be more likely to binge again and once again you will want to restrict, then binge, then restrict, then binge, you get the idea.
- You will feel depressed, energy less and miserable.
- You are preventing yourself from getting better.
The best thing to do would be to continue as if it hadn't happened. WHAT?! I hear you say...that's impossible? That's what I thought and you have to take lots of small steps to get to that point but you can get there. If you go back to eating a regular amount of calories your body will use what you have eaten over the past few days as it doesn't need it all and fairly fast as your metabolism will have been given a boost from eating more.
At first you may want to just try to eat regularly even if its just small amounts. Then next time you can see if you can try to eat a bit more following a binge. If I have a weekend that involves quite a bit of eating now I usually continue to eat as often as I usually would but for a few days after I'll go for slightly healthier options. I think that's a healthy way of dealing with it. I don't restrict and I don't obsess over it. I can also safely say that since using that technique my weight has stayed a lot more stable compared to when I binged...restricted...binged...restricted which often caused my weight to go up.
Hope that's helpful.
Love Jasmin
Friday, 2 September 2011
Food Phobias!
I recently got asked a question on how to overcome the fear of 'bad' foods. I remember the endless arguments with my therapists when they told me I just had to do things and I felt like they didn't understand because it was a phobia and I just couldn't. I feel hypocritical saying it but after years of learning to face 'bad' foods the best thing you can do....is just eat it. I know that's not what you want to hear and you might be thinking...but I CAN'T. But truthfully and I'm sure deep down you know this, the only thing stopping you is your fear. Here is a few tips to help you break your phobia.....
- Start with slightly scary foods and gradually move on to scarier foods
- Take it slowly, start off with just a bite of certain foods every now and then
- Remember: 'THERE ARE NO GOOD AND BAD FOODS, ONLY GOOD AND BAD DIETS'
- Ask yourself what makes that food bad and why your scared of it....is there 100% proof behind your thoughts?
- Set yourself small targets like trying one scary food a week
- Have a distraction planned for afterwards to take your mind off it
- Reward yourself for facing your fear
- Do research on the food to find positives about it
Honestly....facing scary foods is one of the hardest parts of recovery...Before eating certain foods I would feel scared, anxious, sick, worried and afterwards I would cry and cry and cry. But gradually I started to see that those foods weren't having the affect I always thought they would....they didn't suddenly make me gain weight and I very gradually started to overcome my phobia.
Remember it's not impossible, it just takes a lot of strength, courage and desire to recover. If I can do it, so can you.
If anyone ever wants to ask me a question or needs some support feel free to email me at jas_1211@hotmail.com
xxx
- Start with slightly scary foods and gradually move on to scarier foods
- Take it slowly, start off with just a bite of certain foods every now and then
- Remember: 'THERE ARE NO GOOD AND BAD FOODS, ONLY GOOD AND BAD DIETS'
- Ask yourself what makes that food bad and why your scared of it....is there 100% proof behind your thoughts?
- Set yourself small targets like trying one scary food a week
- Have a distraction planned for afterwards to take your mind off it
- Reward yourself for facing your fear
- Do research on the food to find positives about it
Honestly....facing scary foods is one of the hardest parts of recovery...Before eating certain foods I would feel scared, anxious, sick, worried and afterwards I would cry and cry and cry. But gradually I started to see that those foods weren't having the affect I always thought they would....they didn't suddenly make me gain weight and I very gradually started to overcome my phobia.
Remember it's not impossible, it just takes a lot of strength, courage and desire to recover. If I can do it, so can you.
If anyone ever wants to ask me a question or needs some support feel free to email me at jas_1211@hotmail.com
xxx
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Buddies?
OK...so I had an idea for a charity and would love your opinion...
I have recently been kind of mentoring a homeless man and a girl with an eating disorder. It has made me think about how much easier it can be to talk to someone that can relate to us other than a psychologist. Many people often feel like a psychologist is just analysing us and it is hard to open up to them. But what if we all had a friend that had recovered from whatever it is we are going through whether it is an eating disorder, addiction (achohol, drugs etc), self harming, depression or even an illness we cannot prevent? What if we had a friend who could guide us through recovery/the illness? I personally found the beat message boards one of the most helpful things during recovery because I was able to release my thoughts and feelings to someone who could completely understand where I was coming from. It helps us feel less lonely and gives us faith in the place we could get to once recovered.
So what if there was a charity that promoted this and paired people up so that people had a 'buddy' to guide them through their problem?
Let me know what you think!!
Hope you are all ok :)
I have recently been kind of mentoring a homeless man and a girl with an eating disorder. It has made me think about how much easier it can be to talk to someone that can relate to us other than a psychologist. Many people often feel like a psychologist is just analysing us and it is hard to open up to them. But what if we all had a friend that had recovered from whatever it is we are going through whether it is an eating disorder, addiction (achohol, drugs etc), self harming, depression or even an illness we cannot prevent? What if we had a friend who could guide us through recovery/the illness? I personally found the beat message boards one of the most helpful things during recovery because I was able to release my thoughts and feelings to someone who could completely understand where I was coming from. It helps us feel less lonely and gives us faith in the place we could get to once recovered.
So what if there was a charity that promoted this and paired people up so that people had a 'buddy' to guide them through their problem?
Let me know what you think!!
Hope you are all ok :)
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
People like to talk about food and eating...that's life. But there's still that part of me underneath that thrives on it. Part of me hates it because I've worked so hard to gain the views I now have on food but part of me loves it because it's justification for those old eating disordered thoughts.
What I believe now, whether it's true or false helps me to stay healthy and feel safe around food. It helps me to block out the eating disorder. But as soon as someone starts talking about food and dieting it's like the eating disorder wakes up. I try to argue against people as a way to prevent those eating disordered thoughts making their way into my subconscious but it's a struggle. People don't always understand and might think I'm annoyed with them when really I'm just annoyed with the situation because it creates such a difficult battle in my head.
It's like the eating disorder grabs on to what that person is saying in an attempt to make its way back in. I go off into my own little world where I'm trying to reassure myself that my way of thinking now is healthy and I don't have to let anyone influence that while the eating disorder pokes at me to hold onto those negative thoughts so that it can get its own way by persuading me to give into it.
Sometimes there may be a lot of truth in what is being said...but while a simple statement might be a small healthy belief in that person's life, for someone who has had an eating disorder it has the potential to grow into a self destructive belief system that destroys them as a person when the eating disorder takes over.
Talking brings back memories. Once again the eating disorder loves it and pulls on them until I give in to the positives of that memory, of course it will never allow me to focus on the bad when it's trying to persuade me. It's proud of those memories of fasting and weight loss and I feel that part of me take over when I can't help pointing out those "successes" to others. That's not the kind of person I want to be, I'm not proud of hurting myself. Those memories are a part of my past to remind me why I chose to recover and have the life I have now, not to point out to other people how good I was able to starve myself...it is not a talent or achievement!
This might be a challenge I face now. But gradually I hope to develop the resilience I need in these situations to block out the negative thoughts. It will be difficult but it will make me stronger!
Love Jasmin x
What I believe now, whether it's true or false helps me to stay healthy and feel safe around food. It helps me to block out the eating disorder. But as soon as someone starts talking about food and dieting it's like the eating disorder wakes up. I try to argue against people as a way to prevent those eating disordered thoughts making their way into my subconscious but it's a struggle. People don't always understand and might think I'm annoyed with them when really I'm just annoyed with the situation because it creates such a difficult battle in my head.
It's like the eating disorder grabs on to what that person is saying in an attempt to make its way back in. I go off into my own little world where I'm trying to reassure myself that my way of thinking now is healthy and I don't have to let anyone influence that while the eating disorder pokes at me to hold onto those negative thoughts so that it can get its own way by persuading me to give into it.
Sometimes there may be a lot of truth in what is being said...but while a simple statement might be a small healthy belief in that person's life, for someone who has had an eating disorder it has the potential to grow into a self destructive belief system that destroys them as a person when the eating disorder takes over.
Talking brings back memories. Once again the eating disorder loves it and pulls on them until I give in to the positives of that memory, of course it will never allow me to focus on the bad when it's trying to persuade me. It's proud of those memories of fasting and weight loss and I feel that part of me take over when I can't help pointing out those "successes" to others. That's not the kind of person I want to be, I'm not proud of hurting myself. Those memories are a part of my past to remind me why I chose to recover and have the life I have now, not to point out to other people how good I was able to starve myself...it is not a talent or achievement!
This might be a challenge I face now. But gradually I hope to develop the resilience I need in these situations to block out the negative thoughts. It will be difficult but it will make me stronger!
Love Jasmin x
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
I'm back!!
Heyyy!
Sorry I haven't posted on here in such a long time! I've had internet problems which have only just eventually been fixed. Hasn't been good...haven't been able to follow my favourite blogs either :( But....I'm back and I have lots to come.
Quick catch up on me... I'm running the British 10k for Beat on the 10th of July. If you would like to sponsor me you can do so by going to www.justgiving.com/Jasmin-Turner
I also went to the my personal best/body gossip event a couple of days ago to celebrate beats new website which helps people with their self esteem and to reach their potential...my personal best. A few of the my body gossip cast came to read monologues written by beat young ambassadors...it was an amazing day. You can look at the website yourself by going to www.mypersonalbest.org.uk
Hope you're all well
Love Jasmin
Sorry I haven't posted on here in such a long time! I've had internet problems which have only just eventually been fixed. Hasn't been good...haven't been able to follow my favourite blogs either :( But....I'm back and I have lots to come.
Quick catch up on me... I'm running the British 10k for Beat on the 10th of July. If you would like to sponsor me you can do so by going to www.justgiving.com/Jasmin-Turner
I also went to the my personal best/body gossip event a couple of days ago to celebrate beats new website which helps people with their self esteem and to reach their potential...my personal best. A few of the my body gossip cast came to read monologues written by beat young ambassadors...it was an amazing day. You can look at the website yourself by going to www.mypersonalbest.org.uk
Hope you're all well
Love Jasmin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
