Recovery is not and never will be perfect....so don't try to make it.

Heyy, Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. Life's been pretty busy. I guess I should start by saying Happy New Year! I hope it's brought lots of new hope for you all and you haven't been too strict or pressurizing on yourself with your resolutions. This is actually the first year I've not set myself any resolutions involving my weight or recovery. Things aren't completely back to normal since my relapse and I thought about a resolution to overcome those things but then I realized I'm just setting myself up to feel bad if I don't manage to do it. I'm better off not having any expectations and taking each day as it comes and giving myself time rather than pressurizing myself to suddenly change just because it's a new year. Yes it's a good time to put things behind you and maybe see it as a chance to start again but be gentle with yourself and don't punish yourself if things aren't changing, recovery is still a process and a new year won't speed that up. That brings me on to the topic of this post.....

One thing I'm sure we're all aware of is the constant ups and downs of recovery. It's a constant battle and you forever feel like you move forwards and then you take a step back again. Sometimes you even feel like you're right back at the beginning again or getting nowhere. I just want to remind you that that is ok. It's part of recovery and no-one expects anything else. RECOVERY IS NOT PERFECT.
More importantly because it's something I have needed to learn to accept since being recovered is that even once you're recovered, you're relationship with food won't always be perfect and there may be bad days. I became so focused on not allowing myself to lapse and having "perfect" months where I didn't purge that months and months into being recovered when I had a bad day it triggered my relapse. It was one bad day but instead of accepting it and trying to move past it I beat myself up because I had broken my perfect no purging streak which just caused so many more problems. I felt that one bad day meant my eating disorder was back and I just gave into it when I could have fought it.
The more you try to make recovery perfect the harder it will be when you have a bad day, and there will be bad days because no-one recovers overnight. Instead, prepare yourself for those bad days, have a plan of action for when you fall, what can you do to help yourself get back up again. Remember that a bad day or even a bad week or month does not mean you aren't making progress. They are just speed bumps slowing you down but you are still heading in the same direction.
Every time I went back to my dietitian after doing really well and then having a bad week or day he said it was a good thing because it raised more issues to deal with. And the more you can deal with in recovery and the more you learn about your eating disorder the better things will be when you are out of treatment.
So accept recovery as a journey full of unexpected turns. You never know what each day is going to bring but whatever it is be kind to yourself and see each day as a new step forwards because even the bad days have a purpose. No matter what you are always in control of choosing to keep moving forwards and one day you will get there.

Hope you're all ok
Love Jasmin